90 days.. {philia995 blogpage}

not doing well 2.7.14

When in highschool, drama is inevitable. Even for someone like me, who sticks out a little physically but never really speaks much, someone who thinks a lot more than others. Constantly lost in my own throughts and routines. Yet for the first time since I moved from my hometown where I was considered different yet extroverted, funny, even popular. I tried making some friends, which I did, but I've noticed friendships just don't last. Last week I lost someone dear to me, someone I had admired from afar but finally had the chance to become close with. They were ripped away from me, neither of us chose that. Things happen. This week I was told by a mutual friend that two of my friends think i'm weird, or annoying. I try to fit in where I can, so it hurt quite a bit, souring my mood for the rest of the day. Now i'm sitting here, a day later, listening to the silence of my room being erupted by my keyboard. Thinking to myself how things ended like this. "Honestly, (redacted).. you're better off without those people." Is what my friend said to me, but he looks down on me. I'm not sure how to feel. What to feel. I want to isolate, that's the only thing I know how to do. I put up these barriers I set around me yet again for my protection; my phobia of getting hurt, left behind, disliked for no certain reason. Goodnight, love philia.

I haven't blogged in a while so I thought i'd give a few updates in this,,, I've been working on my website a lot recently, finishing my homepage and webmaster page; now my blogpage. I'd really like to play the Metal Gear Solid games, my cousins used to play them and I always thought Raiden was cool. School has been pretty stressful lately, i'm not very good at Math but I do enjoy English a lot. Thinking about doing online school fully next year instead of part time since I plan on getting a job in a couple months. I'm really excited for the new Final Fantasy VII game, as well as the reshowing of Advent Children in theaters (already got my ticket ahead of time haha). For Christmas I got the Zack Fair plushie to match my Cloud one, they are now together again :). My birthday is soon.. March 26th. Normally i'm excited for it but as you get older you start to sort of dread your birthday. Anyway, those are my thoughts for now, hope to see you checking back soon.

Today was the first day of school back from break, I'm very exhausted and since I live in the Southern part of the US it was very muggy and hot outside. Sadly the ac (air conditioning) wasn't working so it was very hot inside and outside, I also need to change my schedule quite a bit. Besides that I took a nap when I got home now I'm peacefully reading :) Kind of a small post since I'm still pretty tired. Here is today's song - Film by Aphex Twin.

first entry 7.3.13

Today I spent the day inside with my cat. I've been thinking a lot about Sam (my desceased cat that passed not too long ago) so I was pretty jaded because of that. My other cat Summer kept me company and I mostly ended up just coding this entire page in a few hours as well as making some graphics and such to get my mind off things. I also like to listen to video essays or music while I work so I'll give whoever is reading this a quick song rec. Hardly ever smile (without you) by Poison Girl Friend. I recently starting getting into her music because I like listening to her voice. I was thinking about going somewhere maybe sometime this week. I really want to get out of the house because it's not really helping me mentally so I was thinking of going "downtown" of my town because theres lots of little shops there I like to explore. Besides that it's also been pretty hot which is why I haven't being going out much but I think it'll end up going anyways maybe on a cloudy day. Wow, as I'm writing this i'm realizing how relaxed blogging makes me. Anyways, to whoever is reading this thank you for taking the time out of your day to hear about mine. I love you all.